Lupus and Exercise

Say what you will about exercise...it's the only way to tone your body and trim the fat. Thirty four was the magic number for me where my weight was concerned. Many people who know me would never think that it's an issue for me. I love my body, don't get me wrong. It's just that I have to be careful about what I eat sometimes. It's still not as bad as some women I know. I still eat a pint of ice cream at least twice a week! Will I ever stop this horrible thing? NO! I'll just increase my secret routine. You wouldn't believe how little time and effort it takes to see results! Everyone has that "thing" that works for them and them alone! The lovely thing is that I have never had a "belly bulge". The women from both sides of my family suffer from "Big Booty Judy" Syndrome! The bulk of my body is butt and legs! When I was a kid, I hated my body because I felt unbalanced. I've come to terms with it, however, I'm loving the Wendy Williams look. Many women in my family look like her as well, especially from the maternal side...big EVERYTHING!
Nowadays, I've taken to the toning exercises that I've always done before vacations and photo shoots. Of course, my husband would love it if I gained more weight. He said that his mother was a large sized woman, and she was "absolutely beautiful." Indeed, she was, however, when I start getting close to 14o pounds, my knees start hurting when I descend the stairs. In addition, if I gain a lot of weight, I'll have no use for my wardrobe, including custom fitted furs, ect. I'd be screwed! It costs to fund a new wardrobe, not to mention the pressure on the heart and joints.
The bottom line is, I love what I have, and if I had to gain it due to medications, like steroids that many Lupies have to take, then so be it. Women spend so much time hating themselves for what they perceive as imperfect. Guess what, we all have imperfections, even some of the most "beautiful people" in the world. Love begins from within. Life is great now. Why should something like a few pounds make me unhappy. I have a wonderful family, most of all, a great husband. Life couldn't be better, big booty and all!
My life is proof that anyone can reinvent themselves if they want to.
Live well and love your Lupie!

Lupus and Pain

I've posted a blog before about Lupus Pain, but tonight I think I need to add a little something. Sometimes people with Lupus suffer no pain at all. That's amazing to me! Well, I have PAIN all the time! I have worse pain in the morning, when I wake up. I have worse pain when there's bad weather on the way, or I'm getting my cycle. I have worse pain when certain "health care professionals" ignore me when I'm speaking to them about my symptoms. I recently had an experience with a Dr. David Blady, a Neurologist. I explained to him that I was having problems with dizziness and headaches, and that I had a minor "black out" recently. There were other symptoms, like problems concentrating, ect. He wrote notes down and performed an exam. Then, he said the most idiotic thing to me, "Well, for all the symptoms you're mentioning, you should have been dead by now, but you look like the picture of health!" I'm embarrassed to say that I envisioned myself hitting him over the head with a very blunt object! If he only knew! I had to bite my tongue, take a deep breath and whisper a few words of prayer! Self control is a struggle sometimes.
So, I have an appointment with a new doctor tomorrow. I'll keep you posted on how she does. I've heard that she a good Neurologist. She came highly recommended by Dr. Goldberg, my shrink.
In the above photo, is my friend Shannon and myself. She's one of those good friends that calls just in time and says the right things when she does. Our husbands are good friends as well.
Good friends come in handy when you're in pain. I may not need to say much, but just need to hear a concerned voice of a friend. Usually there's nothing new to tell, but they call to listen anyway. That's comforting.
Sometimes people say that they want to be there to help, but if you call them, they're not available, or sometimes they just don't call at all. Maybe they see themselves in you. Maybe their afraid that you're contagious or something.

Lupus...Lupie? What's in a Name?

I just read this blog where this woman is complaining about being referred to as a "Lupie", or a "Lupus Survivor", or whatever. She answered a question that I had on my mind from the time I began to read her blog...."Was she medicated?" Yes, she was! Who gives a rats behind whether or not people who have been diagnosed with Lupus are called "Lupies" or "Lupus Survivors"! The point is, whether you like it or not, we're here and we have something in common. It's true, that your opinion is exactly that, but guess what, when someone hears the term, Lupie, most of them know immediately that you're referring to someone with Lupus and not someone who is drunken or possibly "medicated".
My take on the whole matter is that I have Lupus, it doesn't have me. I'll fight until the bitter end, although there have been times, when I felt otherwise. I am a Lupie, and I don't feel demeaned at all when fellow Lupies refer to me as such. As Lupies, we have bigger fish to fry, don't you think!
Above is a photo of my handsome husband and myself. We just recently attended our Convention at Jersey City's Stanley Theater. I wasn't able to attend all three days, but I took in as much as I could. Spiritual food is a valuable asset to assist in dealing with not only daily life, but serious illness as well.
How refreshing it is to read the Bible, and find refreshment in these perilous last days we live in.
Have a great day. Live Well and Love your LUPIE!

Lupus and Life!

I had a very interesting conversation with a younger cousin of mine today. Her name is Mommy. I don't know why we all call her "Mommy". She's the baby girl of the family. It would seem that we would call her older sister, Angel that name. Southern families are that way, though. i just love my girl, Mommy! I knew from the time she was very young that she was going to be an exceptional person! She's finally enrolled herself into school and is working. Unlike so many of our young cousins her age, she's trying to do the right thing! Eutawville, SC is a hard place to come from. It's takes special moxy to rise to the occasion on that deal!
Our family has a disturbingly dysfunctional history that I resent to my very core! Speaking from what I know, my Grandmother, Katie gave a few of her children away to family members. She had 16 children that survived. She didn't have the financial means to care for them, so she "shared" them with various family members. I can tell you from my own personal experience, that decision nearly cost me my sanity! The family member that she gave my biological mother to was an insecure, hateful maniac, who only took care of "others" for the sake of the "glory" factor!
The dysfunction that Annie Bell suffered, she passed on to not only her children, but also to that whore I had for a mother, Fannie Ruth) Gethers (Rice)! Every horrible and negative thing Annie Bell did to Fannie, Fannie turned around and gave me a double dose of it!
If it had not been for me be soo strong willed and learning to think for myself very early on, I would be just as screwed up in the head as my younger sister, WynPsalm! And guess who gave away her older son, while continuing to raise the younger one....WynPsam! History only repeats itself if the one looking in the mirror doesn't have the will to CHANGE!
Just because someone treated you poorly, it doesn't mean that you should do the same.
Most of life is what you make it, and if you put your mind to it, you can change the situation you're in now, thereby changing your future!
Not all women are supposed to have children. My biological mother was one of them. Being an attention phene and as selfish as she is, giving birth to a girl was probably the worst thing that could have ever happend to her! After all, I was reminded more than a few times that I should have been aborted or what have you. You see, some "mothers" are soo insecure and mindless, that they literally become jealous of their own daughters! Go figure! If I had a daughter, I would want to lift her up and carry her on my shoulders. I would want her to be more beautiful and far more intelligent than myself. Those are sacrifices that "real" mothers are willing to make for their daughters. For a period of time in my life, I actually said that I would not have any children, for fear that I could actually turn out to be like she was. Thank Jehovah, my therapist helped me to see that even though, unfortunately I came from her, I am not "her". I am my own woman and I have already proven that I can make wise decisions and am capable of handling conflict, while realizing that the world does not revolve around myself.
Then, I thought, "Yeah, I was wise enough to keep my ankles off some guys dashboard! I was wise enough to go to college and realize my dream to become what I wanted to be! I knew that I was beautiful, but decided to use my brain instead to get ahead in my life!"
And finally, all you lovely people out there, I learned to really love the TRUTH, whether it was good, bad, or ugly!
With that being said, when you live the truth and love the truth, you don't mind being transparent and vulnerable to the ones you love; as a matter of fact, it's imperative that you are truthful and transparent for true love to come into your life and stay in your life. If you live a lie, you're not only going to hurt yourself, but you're going to hurt other people around you. If by some chance, your past has hurt someone, then the only loving and mature thing to do is apologize from the heart. Don't even bother opening your mouth, if once again, you are planning to LIE!
Live Well! Live the Truth! Love your Lupie!

The "Lupus Look" and Me

Not every single day is a struggle these days. Having the support of my family and the love of Andrew makes all the difference in the world. I actually have the capacity to think bigger and better now. I'm resting a little better as well, that may have something to do with the fact that I've discovered that spooning is very therapeutic. It may not be easy to trust enough to love if you've lived the life that I have, but if you can just get past the issues and the obstacles, I pray that you end up with the kind of happiness that I am experiencing right now. The life I've survived is a testament to the who and what I am made of. I tell my story because I want the reader to discern. I want the reader to be better than me, faster than me, and heal just like me. My stories, though painful at times, are true. At times I may not mention the actual names of the individuals in the story, but I will always tell the truth, whether it's good, bad, or UGLY!
I recall when I was about 8 or 9 years old, complaining to my Grandmother Katie that I was being teased because of my "looks". When I was younger, I was sort of a reddish/brown headed kid. My features were changing and I knew it, but I had no explanation for it. My Grandmother looked at me and told me that as I got older, I would change and begin to look better as I got older. She said, when your friends start getting older and losing their looks, you're going to notice that you're looking better and better. That's going to be your curse and your blessing." She then laughed. I have to say that I never believed her until a few years ago!
The crazy thing is, now some people question whether or not I have an incurable illness! When I first started on my journey with Lupus, not knowing at first that Lupus was the diagnosis, I would go to different doctors and they would look at me like I was crazy! I couldn't believe that so-called Medical Professionals were "judging a book by it's cover" and not believing me when I would tell them that I was in severe pain, running fevers, losing weight, and having difficulty sleeping. One MD even told me that I should see a Psychiatrist, after seeing me only once in the hospital, before seeing my labs, which, by the way were out of whack! You don't want to know what my response was to him! Here I am losing a pound a day and suffering in every which way one could imagine! He actually wrote in my chart that he suspected that I had "Munchhausen's"! I was furious. Here he is looking at an African-American female in a state of poor health, wearing a head scarf, and complaining of severe pain. He probably looked at me and suspected that I was "drug seeking." I really despise people who take it upon themselves to judge me before they communicate with me! How stupid is that! Pain is subjective and no one knows the pain you feel and no one has the right to say that you don't have pain, when you're telling them that you do! I'm here to tell you that it is a CRIME! The next time you find yourself in the hospital, and you're requesting pain management and relief, and you're ignored, either by a nurse or a a doctor, report the matter to the Board of Nursing (after you have the name of the nurse, of course. The State Medical Examiner's Office should be reported to in the case of such a physician that would do such a thing.
People with Autoimmune Diseases like Systemic Lupus have been ignored and brushed off long enough. It's time to start holding accountable the people who are supposed to be helping us, instead of criticizing and judging us.
In my case, I once had a doctor, who would come to my room, stand at the edge of my bed and say to me, "How's my girl today?" I would repeat the same complaints and he would do nothing but just nod his head and shadow the charting of the nurses that had seen me. Then, he had the nerve to order 75mg of Demerol every 8 hours or so to "help" with the pain! Once I discharged myself from that hospital, I reported him to my insurance company for fraud. After receiving several of his bills, I wrote to him and explained why I reported him, and then I asked him how it felt to be IGNORED! Never heard from him again because he knew that my next step was to report him to the state!
Of course, I have a wonderful doctor now. Dr. Kenneth Adessa is awesome! He returns all my calls, emails, ect. He keeps up with the latest treatments and research data, and he is compassionate. He will not let his patients SUFFER in pain and agony like I did for so long before him. Let me tell you, uncontrolled PAIN leads to trauma. Trauma is stressful, and stress to Lupus is like cryptonite to Superman!
Nevertheless, I am not going to scale back mt efforts to continue to "look good."
I have to tell you that on the days I don't feel well, I don't pull it off very well.
And you have to have your "thing"...that thing that gives you a boost. For me, that thing is a gorgeous pair of stilettos! So, do your "thing" and enjoy! Love your Lupie and Love yourself to. Have a good one.

Lupus and Jealousy!

Have you ever been in a situation where you have a certain "friend" who likes to act as ethey like you, but you know that they hate your guts deep down inside! Jehovah gave us common sense and perception to help us identify our enemies, the ones who are wolves in sheep's clothing, however, ever now and again, we tend to get broadsided! One witch manages to slip through your B____ radar!
I was consumed today with all the experiences I've had over the years with women who were like that. I'm thrilled to report that all those sorry, pathetic individuals have been extricated from my life! As for this Lupie, my every day is important and every friend is truly a gift, and I make sure that I treat them as such. Long gone are the days where I give "the benefit of the doubt" when in reality I was making excuses for "the friend's" less than friendly behavior. Nowadays, I call it how I see it and I don't waste time on foolish people and their drama!
Recently, I met a female associate at religious function. Without even opening her mouth to say hello to me, she comes over to me and says, "What kind of make-up do you have on?" I was shocked, but I answered simply. I had to keep before me that I was in the presence of others, so I exercised restraint when she then had mitigated gaul to come over into my personal space, and touched the root of one of my locks, just so that she could see whether or not my locks are real! For the record, my locks are REAL, for all those insecure, and inadequate women out there! I have never worn a weave or a wig and more than likely never will!
I love my self to much to get involved with someone so shallow and intrusive. This paticular woman is of course, looking forward to meeting new friends, because she just blew it big with a recent friend who no longer wants anything to do with her! Been there, done that! I'll keep you posted!
Still loving my man the best I can and I'm sitll grinning and smiling fom ear to ear!
One thing about it, as that we refuse to divulge any details about our marriage.
I love my husband and I know he loves me. His love is healing, even his touch andis therapeutic. I wish for all of you the love that I have from my husband. He takes amazing care of me and his responsibilities as family head.
Good night all. Live well and love your Lupie like it's the last day every day!

Lupus and Death

Hello People. This past week was one of the most difficult times in our lives. My Grandfather Gillens passed away last Monday and my brother-in-law passed away on last Thursday. They were both funeralized on this past Saturday, one in NJ and the other in SC. I was devastated to have to leave my husband here and travel to SC with my Aunt. I kept calling to check on him. He was so calm about everything. On the day of the funerals, I was so stressed that I flared and was running a high fever! I could barely think. After the funeral, I had to go to my Grandmother's house and get into her bed. It was too hot to go to the burial. SC is scorching this time of year!
On the way back to NJ, we stopped in Winston to see the old lady. She was happy to see us and we her. We stayed until she fell asleep, although she told us that she wanted to come home with us. That always aches my heart to hear her say that. If I had the money, I would take care of her right here with us. I love her just that much.
I was too glad to get back home yesterday. I was again feverish today, so I just rested. You have to give yourself permission to do that and not feel guilty about it.
Lupus is a serious disease and if you don't give into it, it will push until it pushes you DOWN! I tried fighting it, but that wasn't smart. Each time, I just ended up in the hospital. It's your choice, you can fight it and suffer, or you can just rest and get the best out of the next day. "Live to fight another day."
Live well and remember to love your Lupie!

Lupus and Herbs

I am sick and tired of these people contacting me regarding "herbal cure" for Lupus! If there was a cure, I would have jumped on it a long time ago. I have spent years taking all sorts of herbs that worked for a short period of time and then fizzled out like flat soda! I changed my diet, I exercise, I extracated toxic people and influences from my life, and I have a strong faith that I not only practice, but try to live by every single day! If there's any one out there with real cure for Systemic Lupus, then contact me, please.
All that bull about Lupus only being incurable if you "believe" it is is a bunch of garbage! I believe the pain and fevers I have every single day! I believe the fatigue and the insomnia. I believe the hair loss, the memory loss, and confusion I sometimes experience! And yes, I was involved in several car accidents! I was actually hit by a car once! I also have relatives on both sides of my family with Lupus and other AutoImmune diseases. Are we all just seeing things that aren't there!
If you don't have anything positive to say, then leave me the heck alone! I'll make do the way I have been, without your unfounded "advice" whoever you are!

Lupus and Looking Good!

This was me this past weekend at my cousin, Rahmad's wedding. He had a gorgeous wedding in Chicago. It was good seeing everyone. However, the weather was uncooperative. The cloudy weather and rain wreaked havoc on my body. The day after the wedding, I was confined to the bed with a fever. This put Rahmad's mom in a state and she told me yesterday that she was tempted to call an ambulance and have me carted off to the hospital. I tried the best I could to explain to her that I don't go to the hospital every time I flare. She kept telling me that I was not a doctor and that she was concerned over the fact that I was in bed and "didn't look good." You see, this is the bad side of having Lupus and not being in your own element. When I'm ill, I prefer to be alone. If I need something, I know when to call. I know when it's time for me to go to the hospital, and one day with a fever is not the time. Lupus does what it wants when it wants, and that's what most people don't understand! Here I am in this photo just one day before I was hit with what felt like a Mack Truck! Just 24 hours after looking like the picture of health, I was riddled with fever and pain, and all I could do was just lie there and pray for it all to pass. Delois was there and she kept checking on me from time to time. She made sure I had water and fruit; that was all I could tolerate.
Nothing I said convinced Pat that I was ok, even with a fever and pain. She was bent on me going to the hospital and essentially said that as the "homeowner" in the "situation" that she was upset that I was sick in her home. She even said that it would never happen again. I don't exactly know what she meant by that, but I think if we have to go back out there, it would be best if we stayed at a hotel, because the last thing I ever wanted was to upset anyone with my longstanding history of Lupus and all.

Lupus Cramps, and Cravings!

It's crazy how every month I flare because of my cycle! Lupus is affected by hormonal changes. It's crazy because for years it never used to be that way. I have many triggers now, and my cycle is one of them. I can say for sure that refined sugars can trigger a flare for me. No two Lupies are alike, yet we all have many things in common! My major issue is PAIN! Even when I strictly watch my diet, the pain doesn't let up! I wake up in the morning with my hands swollen and hurting, and sometimes the bottom of my feet hurt, making it difficult to walk. I'm at that point where I'm considering some new drugs! That's totally against what I believe in. I usually don't take anything that's under ten years old! I just don't trust the new medications because you can start taking them, then the next thing you hear is that the drug is being recalled for some major reason. It gets scary. As a matter of fact, my hands are starting to hurt right now! Chat with you later.

Lupus Living!: Lupus Husband

Lupus Living!: Lupus Husband

Lupus Husband

OMG! Can I even handle all that BROWN SUGAR! This is a photo of the best husband in the world! Not only is he handsome with that gorgeous skin and those caramel brown eyes, but he is just as humble and sweet as can be! A friend of mind told me that he would get on my nerves sooner or later, but that has never happened! I don't think it will! I feel as though Jehovah saved him just for me. Good things really do come to those who wait. The funny thing is, neither of us were even looking when we found each other. One day, we went to a gathering, and in come this hunk of burnin' love! The rest is history!
It's been six months of marriage and we're still glowing so we're told. I feel it and so does he. It's healing to have someone to come home to and someone to cook for. When I'm not feeling well, he seems to know exactly what to do. One early morning, around 0200, I began to feel immense pain with a fever. I just couldn't get comfortable, and the medication just wasn't working. Frustrated, I started to cry uncontrollably! Believe it or not, I would have preferred that happen while alone. It had been years since something like this had happened. My husband just wrapped his arms around me and held me very close. I just can't explain how good he made me feel! The next thing I knew he had already left for work. Before, I would have tossed and turned until late morning! I could go on and on! We're so blessed and happy to be with each other. In the end, I'm the most blessed because he just makes me feel so much better. I feel like I can go on, as long as he's going with me.
I was a happy woman before I met my husband, but now I'm just ecstatic. A positive attitude is essential when dealing with Lupus. If you get down and depressed, it's like trying to free yourself from quick sand! The more depressed you get, the worse you will feel! And the worse you feel, the worse you're going to look! I've learned over the years from various people, even if you don't feel well, do your best to look your best! Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. Unfortunately, we live in a society where appearances do matter. I recall the time early in my illness, when my eyes were dark, my frame was quite diminished...people would stare at me, whisper behind my back, and whatnot. In early 2000, I flew to Nassau, Bahamas to see my cousin and her family while I was quite ill. When I emerged from the plane, her face went from a smile to a gasp, she said, "Oh my God!", then she tried to regain her composure, but it was too late. Then I knew for sure that I looked just as shocking as her reaction! My face was sunken and my ribs were showing. I had no energy, and from that point forward, I regret that I had even left my home. So, from then on, I decided that if I look ill, I'll stay home until I am well enough to actually look well. Let's just face it, people can't handle it when we look sick. The flip side is, I've even had people accuse me of not being ill, because now every time they see me, I'm well dressed and all made up. I guess they, on some level want me to look bad. During my last hospitalization, a so-called friend came to my room to "visit" and stated, "Oh, I was hoping to see you without your make-up on!" I was blown away! I couldn't believe her, but I was glad she said it because it gave me some insight into how she actually viewed me.
Try to stay focused. Try to stay the course. Love your Lupie and Live Well!

The Lupus "Mother"

I just had to share with you guys this blog that I read tonight from this so-called "mother" who openly admits that she is "jealous of her bombshell daughter!" She even had the nerve to include a photo of herself!
This really hit home for me because as a child, I was targeted and tortured emotionally and physically by my own birth "mother"! I haven't seen her in years and I lived with her, at most nearly 3 years, and those were the worst times in my life! Let me clarify, I only saw her every few years, but went to live with her permanently at the age of 15, and moved out when I was 17! Not long after I moved in with her and her children, and my step-dad, she told me to my face that "she wished that she could have had an abortion when she was pregnant with me". She also told me that she hated me for everything that I was...that I ruined her life, and that I had the looks that she wanted!" Of course, she would wait until my stepfather would go out before she would really lay into me! This witch did everything to strip me of my self-esteem! Tearing me down seemed to be what she lived for! She would call different family members and spread all sorts of lies about me! She read my journal and never ever kept my confidence, as any good mother should do for their daughter.
Needless to say, I severed ties with that so and so! I moved out and went to live with a friend while I was still in high school, but before I left, I beat the living day lights out of her! All of a sudden, it was as if "the devil made me do it!" As I was choking her, I was recalling every time she left me alone in that Brooklyn apartment when I was about three and a half, every time she called me a "fat ass" or "thunder thighs", every time she said, "you'll never amount to anything!" Every raw emotion rushed over me as I was determined to put her out of her misery, and out of my life for good! Just before I was about to throw her over the banister from the second floor, my step-father came in and grabbed her! By this time, I had grabbed her by her throat and her crotch and was ready to hurl her over! The sad part is I never felt an ounce of remorse! It seemed that at every opportunity she was given, she did her best to tear me down...all because she was a jealous, selfish so and so who got caught whoring around in the back seat of a car, and got herself knocked up! The bottom line is that she was a whore by the time I was fifteen and I wasn't! I had dreams and goals, and she didn't! I was a genuine, and made friends easily, and she only had contact with people that she was interested in using for her own selfish gain!
The sad part is, she's the same person now as she was then! Only now she realizes that she'll probably die alone and miserable...pretty much how most selfish people die. (She actually had the nerve to cry to my Aunt because she wasn't invited to my wedding!)
My warning for "Supergirl's mom" who sent her article in to the Washington Post is that she should stop being soo full of herself, wake up and smell the coffee before she loses her daughter forever! When you have a child, it's no longer about "you"! It's a mom's responsibility to build her children's self-esteem and be their number one supporters and fans, among other things. There is something really wrong with a woman who could hate their child simply because they exist. In my opinion, this woman is not a "mother"....she simply gave birth, and that's it! She was an egg donor, much like the one I was cursed with!
The fortunate thing about my life, was that I saw that there was a problem that was not only affecting me then, but could have destroyed my future, so I took the initiative and went to counseling...guess what, the poor sap actually tried to get the high school to stop sending me to counseling! Had I let her negativity take root in my mind, I would have been crazy by now! She didn't want anyone to be privy to "what was going on in our house!" Of course, they shot her down and I was undeterred! Honey, I could write a book!
I'm happy to tell you that I have done every thing I have ever wanted to do and more! I have some wonderful people in my corner...the rest can kiss my ___! You know what else, the witch was soo jealous, she even went back to school to pursue the same career that I did when I graduated high school, with honors I'll have you know!
My advice: When someone tells you that you're not capable of doing something, not only should you do it, but you do it big! Cut out all the toxic influences in your life, even if that toxic substance is a so-called "blood relative"! Weren't Cain and Able "brothers"! Every smiling face is not a friendly one.And whatever you do, remember to stay away from people who only call you when they want or need something! They don't care about you...they care about what you can do for them! Every female that gives birth is not a "mother"! Keep your friends close; keep your enemies closer! And remember, true love never hurts and it never fails! And if you have a "girlfriend" who can never seem to find it in her heart to give you a compliment, that witch is not your friend and you need to cut her off at the knees!
Live Well and Love Your Lupie!

Lupus Bladder

The past few weeks have been very difficult while dealing with a severe bladder infection. It's painful, as I also have spasms of the bladder! As you know, any infection in the body activates a Lupus flare. One situation aggravates the other. I find myself being extra tired and with fevers lasting longer than usual.
We're no closer to a cure now than we were many years ago.
My husband is sweet and loving. He's the most supportive husband ever. He provides me with my comfort foods and checks on me often. Sometimes it's just a comfort to have him near me!
Live Well and Love Your Lupie!

The Lupie Lover and His Jamaican Rum Cake!

Here is a photo of my wonderful husband, getting ready to enjoy the Jamaican Rum Cake that my great friend, Bernie made for us! Do you see that cute little smile on his face...it almost resembles a smirk, as if he's saying, "And you're not getting any of this delicious cake!"
In the background is a large photo of his parents. As you can see, he is the perfect specimen, resembling both his parents, but mostly his mother.
I was cleaning one day and found the photo in a back room, as though it was hidden away. I brought it out and dusted it off. I figured it was time for us to put the photo of his parents in a place of honour in our new lives. Perhaps in the past, it was too painful for him seeing the photo, as Andrew and his siblings were very close to their parents. Andrew speaks very fondly of his parents; as he's speaking, I take pleasure in seeing those gorgeous brown eyes light up. As he reminisces, I pay very close attention, even if I've heard him tell the story before.
When a woman is looking for a man to spend the rest of her life with, and bear children for him, she needs to peer into the relationship that he has with his parents, and his siblings, especially his sisters. Those relationships give great insight into the type of man that a woman is involving herself with. A man that loves and respects his mother, will more than likely respect and honor the woman that he intends to make his wife, and possibly the mother of his children.
In the resurrection, I look forward to meeting Andrew's parents, especially his mother...I want to thank her for creating such a loving, well-adjusted, quality man! I could go on and on, but the time will come when Jehovah is ready.
As my husband lay here next to me, snoring, without a care in the world, I am an insomniac, who fears for his safety while he sleeps, clueless. I love him soo much that his snoring doesn't make me angry; it concerns me. So, I sought out the number one sleep specialist in the Northeast. I suspected that he has some sort of obstructive sleep apnea. My diagnosis was dead on, as per the MD. He told my husband, "You make sure you hold onto that wife of yours because she loves you! I can tell she really cares about you!" My husband smiled and said that he knows. So, pretty soon, we will have him on a device which will assist him to breath better while he sleeps at night. Then, once I'm comfortable, maybe I'll be able to get some much needed rest.
I've heard some people say that they sleep in another room in order to avoid their snoring spouses, but what if they stop breathing or something? If you're not there, you won't be able to assist them or cal l for help, if necessary. Snoring should be no reason to leave your marital bed. The marital bed is sacred and should be shared in good times and in not soo good times.
I'm getting sleepy now, so I'm going to sign off and cuddle next to him and get some sleep hopefully.
I love all you listeners and supporters of my husband and I. We thank you and we pray for you as well. May Jehovah bless you.
Love your Lupie and Live Well.

The Lupie and the King!

The man standing next to me is Bro. Lee King! He's a wonderful brother! As soon as Andrew asked me to marry him, Brother King was the first person I called...I had to ask him to perform the wedding talk for Andrew and I. No one else ever came to mind!
Brother King is a serious, yet kind and approachable brother. He reminds you of a serious Dad, yet the one you can call on if you need him. This Brother loves Jehovah and he shows it. If you call him, he is sure to return your call.
At our wedding, he was soo confident and poised. There he stood in a Kingdom Hall full of mostly churchgoing southerners, and yet he was able to taylor his talk in a way that made them see Jehovah's people in a whole new light. His talk was informative and inspiring, so much so that when he was done, my Grandfather came up to Andrew and I and said, "And you all listen to everything that man said, because he's telling the truth!" I almost gave way to tears! Our families saw how serious we are about the sanctity of marriage. Brother King conveyed the message in a way that all could understand and respect. I'll never forget it.
The King Family are forever linked to us. Sister King is also amazing...just a beautiful sister, who is also kind, and very easy to talk to. And I could never forget Moe and Oliver! Moe had to take over the function of my brain as soon as I got out of the car and came into the Kingdom Hall! She literally took me by the hand and I the rest of it is a blur!
I may have my troubles, but I have some of the best friends and family that anyone could ask for! Thank Jehovah and Love Your Lupie!

Lupus Haters

Well, Andrew and I have been married for five months now. Things are really going great! He's my rock and the love of my life. Believe it or not, we're just not the kind of couple that argue and carry on. We talk about everything and we make every effort to keep the lines of communication open. Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship.
Since we've been married, my blood work has improved and his blood pressure has normalized. We both sleep better and we enjoy eating even more now that we have each other to take care of.
Even though we're still enjoying our honeymoon, I find that people annoy the living day lights out of me when they constantly ask, "so how's married life?" I have to admit that I've detected a bit of jealousy among some indivuduals. When I tell them that things are great, they're quick to reassure me that it's only temporary. It's almost as if they can't wait until we start to have problems or something! That's soo pathetic! Well, let me tell you, even if Andrew and I were to have a problem here or there, we'd handle it among ourselves and they'd be none the wiser! We happen to be very private people and our business is our business. Yes, I do blog, but trust me, I don't put all my business in the street.
Lately, I've been feeling better and looking better, if I must say so myself. I have some friends who are asking if I'm glowing because I'm pregnant, ect. That's not the case, I'm just truly happy and content, and it shows! Some are asking if I've lost weight or using a new skin care product, others just stare. I'm happy to say that my marriage is having a tremendous effect on my overall well-being and my appearance. I can say the same for my husband...he looks rested, younger, and we both keep a smile on our faces.
We're determined to be each other's soft place to fall. It's made all the difference in my life. And for those of you that are happy for us, we appreciate it very much. And for those of you who are waiting for something to go wrong, well just remember that the pit you excavate for someone else may be the one that you fall into!
When Jehovah is for you, then who can be against you? Love yourself and love your Lupie. Live Well and Thank Jehovah always!

Big Daddy and the Car!

My Dad just sent me a photo of the Nissan Maxima that he just repainted for me! After I met my Dad, my life changed dramatically! Everything just seem to fall into place. I finally had a place where I fit in and didn't have to worry about being lied to and left out in the cold! Even my friends noticed that I was different. I was always a happy person, but this experience put a smile on my face and in my heart!
Finally, I had a real Dad, like all my friends. Once I was asked by someone, "What if you get married...who will walk you down the aisle?" That cut me like a knife! I didn't even have a boyfriend, but still the possibility of having no father to do that most tradtional and loving act, hurt me like nothing else!
Then along came Andrew Stokes, my brand new husband! Needless to say, my Dad was there. When that day came, I had many things on my mind, but I never doubted those two being there and that was an amazing feeling!
Those two men are my favorite guys in this world! To top it off, my Dad's parents were there as well. It was the beginning of a new life. Some people who were supposed to have known me me entire life chose not to be a part of the celebration. I made peace with it and moved on. For the ones that were there, I was grateful and happy to see them.
Life with Andrew is great! There's not a day that goes by that he doesn't express his love for me, it's a loving and secure feeling, that you can only achieve if you're in love with the right person. I feel like I've known him all my life and have loved him just as long as well.
And finally, I feel like SC is my home again, especially at my Dad's place. In my heart, I had felt a disconnect when I would go to Eutawville. It was stressful just getting off the exit from the highway. Nowadays, I'm happy to go to "home."
I guess I have more than one home. My new home is with my Andrew. I would live in a one room flat with him if we had to. I'll be happy as long as we're together.
I thought my life would never come together this way, but it did. You just never know!
And what an affect love has on Lupus! One morning, very early, about 3am. I was in a tremendous amount of pain. If I were alone, I would have gone crazy, but with Andrew lying there holding me and reassuring me, plus taking the medication, the next thing I knew, I fell back to sleep.
So, I encourage LOVE for ALL Lupies! The Bible says love conquers all and I believe it's true. Love for Jehovah and faith in Him leads to all kinds of wonderful possibilites!
The anger is abating as I realize just how blessed I really am. Anger can only lead to sin and mendacity. Where I'm headed, there's no place for it.

Lupus and The Superbowl

It's Superbowl Sunday and I'm home alone! Andrew is at his brother's house jumping up and down, yelling at the television, and eating if I know anything. I'm not that into football, so I decided to stay home and relax, catch up on my Bible reading and what have you. We also had our Assembly this weekend, so I am good and tired. The best thing I could have done was get a laptop computer and a "husband"! Not the one I married, the one that I use to prop me up in bed when I'm reading, blogging, crocheting, ect.
It's been almost 3 months since Andrew and Igot married, but it seems just like yesterday! I'm still obsessed with our wedding photos and I'm more and more in love with my husband every day! On the other hand, I feel bad though. A few of my friends are having serious marital problems, and frequently I find myself having to use caution and restraint when they ask how we're doing. I just hate not being able to gush over him the way I want to. We'll only have this time to cherish once. We will only be newlyweds for a short time and I want to enjoy it and have our friends share in our joy.
The diagnosis of Lupus changed my life and it "changed" my friends as well. I am also finding that marriage is changing some of my friends. Some friends admit that they no longer feel comfortable calling me now that Andrew and I are married. I think that that is soo pathetic! For those who know me, being married to Andrew has only made me better and happier! I'm not one of those women that forsake their friends when a man comes on the scene! I have dealt with women like that, and believe me, I have severed ties with all such people! I'm not into fair weather "friends" and I am certainly not one myself!
I think her excuse is a pi__ poor one and it tells me a lot about how much she values me as a so called friend. I'm learning!
In another case, there was a friend who is currently single and not dating. She was invited to my wedding, but called me 2 nights before to tell me that she would not be able to attend the wedding because she had to work. Now, months before, she claimed that she had the best job with a great salary, and that the job is very flexible and whatnot. I never bought the story about her having to work, I just got the feeling that she didn't want to attend because of her own relationship status. Women do things like that to their "friends" all the time. I've seen it all before! But nothing beats the girlfriend who came to the wedding and sobbed the whole time and complained that it should have been her getting married to the man of her dreams! And what about the total nut job who emailed me days before the wedding to ask me if she could "just come and take a few pictures." Yeah right! She showed up with another friend of hers and not only took pictures, but tried to chase down every guy in the building, most of whom were already married! Then, there was the "ex-friend" who told her relative, who was invited to the wedding, that she wanted to come! What! I think we all know what I wanted to say, but I didn't. I got the feeling that she just wanted to come so that she could gawk!
At any rate, I am the kind of woman that likes to evaluate and then re-evaluate! You can pretty much be certain that in a very short time, some of these curious characters will be receiving their "Dear John" letters fro me very soon! I have zero tolerance for people who act as though they don't know what the term reciprocation is! I haven't always been this way, but after years of always being the first person to reach out to others, I realized that I deserved better. People treat you how you let them! I give my "friends" and loved ones the very best of me and I have no reason to accept anything less from them.
Well, the best part of my life now is that Andrew is my best friend! We talk about everything. Our best times are early in the morning, when it's time for him to go to work. We take that time to chat or just be close. Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. I think I have always treasured my friendships with the males anyway. Women can be very complicated and petty, and as I mature, my patience for such, wanes.
I'm thankful to Jehovah that I figured out just who I was and what I wanted out of life very early. I've always been very determined. Whatever I set my mind to, I didn't stop until I had accomplished what I set out to do. Of course, none of us do anything by our own strength. We owe every success and all blessings to our Creator.
Live Well and Love Your Lupie!

Lupus and "Friends"

Hello friends and folks. It's been a long time since I've been able to really blog like I want to. I've been meaning to write this blog for a long time, as well. Being a healthy person with friends is totally a different animal than having a disability and having friends! When you're healthy, you may have a wealth of friends...you may even be fortunate enough to have wealth. However, once you have a chronic and permanent illness, unfortunately things do change. All of the people that used to call, no longer call and come around like they used to.
You will come to find in the end that friends are like refined gold; once all of the impurities have been burned off, the good stuff sticks around no matter what.
What I love about my life, is that I have a few really great friends, and I have friends that vary in age. I've always been that way. If you're always around the same kinds of people all the time, then what would you stand to gain? What could you possibly learn from people who are pretty much just like you? If you widen out in your affection and association, you will gain a wide variety of friends and learning experiences.
I've been stuck in for a day or so now due to the snow, so I found time to crochet, call my loved ones and blog! A while ago, I reconnected with someone who I mistook for a true friend, someone from my college days. I will call her "PAIN" so as to protect the innocent and clueless! Well, anyway, she got married shortly after college to what she called her "soul mate." Well, Pain and the Soul Mate were abusive with each other from the relationship's beginning according to her. Even in the dorm, they would fight like cats and dogs! Occasionally, we, the girls in the dorm, would just go to her room door and just ask if she's OK. To be truthful, we were hoping that they would just break up and leave each other alone, but that was a joke!
Fast forward years later, I catch up with her on a job that I'm doing and we exchange numbers. Weeks later, she calls me to tell me that she's five months pregnant and her husband had just been arrested for beating her up! She told me that she had to work that night and asked me to come over and babysit her children. Immediately, I felt soo bad and instead of getting ready for bed, I got dressed and headed out the door to her home. Weeks earlier, I had made it up in my mind that I would no longer attempt to connect with her because when I simply asked, "So where do you live now that you're back?" Her response to me was, "Well, I really don't want to say." I thought to myself, "Obviously, she's got some issues and I am going to leave that mess alone!" If I had only kept my word!
I ended up practically being a live in Nanny/Housekeeper/Shrink to her and her family for nearly four months. One weekend, I ended up in the hospital with Parvo Virus, (that I got from her children) and no sooner than I was admitted, she had her husband move back in. It was on a Sunday that I was just thinking of her and wondering how the kids were, when I called. She sounded funny on the phone, so I asked her if "soul mate" was there and she said that he was. I mean, we all knew that she would take him back; it was just a matter of time. With the research I had done earlier, it occurred to me that she suffered from "Battered Wife Syndrome." Sadly, a larger percentage of those women take their abusers back. Besides, earlier, Dee and I had offered to pay for the locks to be changed and she declined. We knew for sure then. It was OK because I was there to support her, no matter what she decided.
I guess the part that bothered me the most was that when she decided that she no longer wanted me around, she decided to do things the dirty way instead of being a woman about it!
When it came time for her to say, "You know, girl, I know that you've done a lot for me and my family, but I really don't need your help any more!" Or, "You know, I'm really uncomfortable with the great relationship that you have with my young children!" By the way, the children and I adored each other! She became soo jealous and envious of such things that she told lies in order to explain my now sudden absence! My Grandmother always said, "Tell the truth and shame the devil!" She was soo right! She even sought to destroy the relationship that I her Aunt Kat and I had forged! Kat and I would get together to do the study of the Bible and associated literature, crochet, ect. One night while I was there at Kat's house, she called. I answered the phone, (as I had done on occasions before) and PAIN says to me, "What are you doing there? I told her and then gave the phone to her neice. Some time later, I received a call from her and she literally stated to me, "What is it with you and my "Aunt Kat?" I was now offended and asked what she meant. I also let her know that I didn't appreciate her insinuating anything between Kat and I. What business was it of hers anyway?
Was she in fear of me kidnapping Kat and heading for the border? Kay was not only my friend, but she was also my spiritual sister and Pain knew that she would have to come up with something big to get Kay to turn against me! So she plotted and plotted. In the meantime, she would call me up and ask strange questions over the phone, like, "Why did you tell me to leave my husband! All of my other friends and family was saying that I should keep my husband and you said that I should divorce him! You seem like you don't want me to be happy!"
So now I'm getting ready to get pissed! First of all, I never "told" her to do anything! When she asked my opinion, then I wold tell her what I would do. And not once did I ever just give her advice! When she would pose questions to me, I would reach for the Scriptures from the New World Translation of the Holy Scripures, putting them in writing for her, and asking her to please consider them before she made her decision. During those times, she told me that this was the kind of support she needed. After the whole ordeal was over, she wrote me a letter, and in one of the statement in the letter, she states that she hated receiving letters from me like that! Say what you mean and mean what you say!
So apparently, Aunt Kat fell for every lie that Pain told her because pretty soon, she stopped calling me or returning my calls. I wrote to her and emailed her, but got no responses.
Quite some time later, her Aunt Kat and I reconnected. I had prayed to Jehovah that the truth would be revealed, and that she would see what a liar and a manipulator her niece is! Besides, I was quite taken aback when Kat, who I considered a close friend, even refused to hear my side of the story. I had previously viewed her as a fair and honest person.
Needless to say, Kat and I are on good terms again.
As for PAIN, she has betrayed me for the last time and will never have a place in my life again! I was floored when her Aunt Kat called me to tell me that Pain wanted to come to my wedding! I thought, "Is she out of her mind!" I didn't say much to Kat, but I told her to have Pain call me. Pain never called, of course!
What a nerve! You don't sweep dog crap under a rug, smooth it over, and leave it there, would you? Dog crap is trash and trash needs to be DEALT WITH! Not pushed under a rug!
Not once has Pain ever bothered to explain her behaviors or apologize for them! What reassurances would I have that she's not going to flip out again like that!
With friends like that, do you really need enemies. Lupies need friends that are truthful, reliable, and supportive, not jealous, envious, and hateful.
My advice: Be very leery of your female friends who can never seem to get up the nerve to tell you how beautiful you are.
Be leery of friends that say their your friends, but never initiate any contact, or return any phone calls or emails. They may be harboring some kind of resentment against you or probably thinking that you're simply not worth the effort!
Be leery of friends who accuse you of bragging when you're giving them your vacation plans!
Be leery of friends who only want you to spend time with their kids only if you're babysitting them!
Just be leery of who you call a "friend"!
Just be leery, but Love your Lupie!

Lupus Newlyweds

I'm happy to say that Andrew and I have been married for nearly six weeks! It has truly been blissful! Andrew is an awesome husband. He's very supportive and loving. I feel no pressure to do anything that I don't really feel up to doing. Whatever concerns I may have had about living up to the demands of marriage have been releived by him. When I feel great, I get busy and do some of everything! Sometimes that's a problem because Lupies tend to overdo it when they are having good days. I find that even on good days, I have to force myself to sit down or lie down and take a break. Rest is very important for individuals with Systemic Lupus.
Despite the way I feel, I am always told that I look good and I consider it a blessing from Jehovah. No matter how bad I feel, if I have to leave the house, I make sure that I look my best; pretty soon, the inside will catch up with the outside!
I also have to say that being married to Andrew has impoved my health overall. When you're around someone you love, even if you don't feel well physically, you're just elated to even be near them or hear their voice. The most healing thing he does for me is when he lies spoons with me and chat. It's the best feeling ever! I could just feel the endorphins rushing through me! There's nothing like it! His love and affection is healing to my soul!
Lupus can consume soo much of your time and energy, and you can let basic needs, like love and affection go unsatisfied. Perhaps you may be soo ill that you think no one would risk a comitted relationship with you...I am telling you from personal experience that nothing beats a failure but a try!
I took a chance on love and I won big time! I waited on Jehovah and he blessed me for it! I got my life together and Jehovah rewarded me very handsomely. It gets better and better every single day.
Andrew and I thank you all for your prayers and support. Love your Lupie and Live Well!

Lupus and the Wedding

I have no idea what I was thinking when my good friend, David Booker took this photo. This was by far, the happiest day of my life! Here I am standing side by side with the love of my life, Andrew Neil Stokes and there is my good friend, Danny standing up for the love we are sharing with our friends and family. At the last few minutes every detail fell miraculously into place. I was feeling no pain, even though it was pouring rain! I wasn't even wearing a patch! I didn't even need any pain medication! I didn't even want any Yellow Tail Merlot! Months before, I had told Andrew that I wasn't even going to leave my house until I knew that he was at the Kingdom Hall waiting for me, but somehow, on that day, I just knew he was there. The wedding started promptly at 3PM and he was there shortly after 1PM! He was there to ensure that everything would go smoothly for me, always protecting me, as he has done from the very beginning!
For the first time, in a long time, I actually felt beautiful as I dressed for my Big Day. It was everything I had prayed for and more. It was simple and elegant...no extravagance necessary, thank you.
How did a small town girl like me end up with such a gorgeous northern fellow! He is everything every woman I know would kill for! I tell you the truth, good things come to those who wait. Love your Lupie and Live Well!

Lupus Auntie

This is how gorgeous my LoLo looked on the day of my wedding! It's hard to believe that it's been a week already! It's been a blissful and blessed time for Andrew and I. He is the most wonderful, loving, and supportive husband. On rainy days, I usually awaken in pain, but his early morning kisses seem to help ease the pain. He brings me Dunkin' Donuts coffee before he goes about his day. I had no idea that love could feel this good.

Lupus Bride to Be...

It's just days away from our wedding! I'm soo excited, yet I am ready for it all to be over! We are ready to get on with our lives. The wedding day is just one day. The marriage is supposed to be forever, as Jehovah intended.
It really is a blessing to know someone like Andrew. It's a blessing to have true love. And the friends have been very supportive of us, and we appreciate it very much.
I'm really excited to have my Dad walk me down the isle. We are all ecstatic! Love your Lupie and Live Well!

Lupus and Accupuncture

This is a photo of Andrew and I at our family reunion in Myrtle Beach, SC. We drove my car down and took a chartered bus back with some family members. That was interesting!
I love this photo of Andrew because he looks soo relaxed and happy. That makes me happy! He's such a handsome guy, it give me chills sometimes. Maybe you don't get it, but who cares! Recently, a friend of mine made a comment about him and I nearly took her head off! Hint! Hint! I think she may be just a tad bit jealous, which is totally understandable! He's the kind of guy any woman would want in her life.
As the wedding gets closer, some of our family members get more annoying! You invite them to the wedding and they want to bring an additional two and three people, not taking into consideration what we're going through just inviting them! It's crazy! The people that you think will come through and be there for you start acting strangely for some reason!
I have one girlfriend that I've known since high school. We would text and IM each other at least four times a week. Then, as soon as I told her that I was engaged, she seemed to fall from the face of the earth! I mean, I never got a "Congratulations" or anything! Delois told me that I would get a lot of that, some overt, some covert. I was just taken off gaurd, I guess. However, nothing surprises me anymore. I've got bigger and better fish to fry.
At first, I was riddled with anxiety with the planning and everything and now, I'm just ready, like yesterday!
In the past few weeks, I have been focusing on me little bit more. I restarted accupuncture treatments and I have to say that it was one of the best decisions I have ever made! As a result of the accupuncture, I no longer have to use the Fentanyl patches, Placquenil, or Neurontin! I have far less fevers and less discomfort during my cycle. I started out by going every week and am now going every two weeks. I called my Dad earlier and told him how excited I am about the way that I have been feeling! I also told Dee. She's not enthused because she does not want me to resume any type of serious work committment. I don't know how people on welfare do it! How on earth does an able bodied person just sit around doing nothing! When I feel good, I want to do "things"! I want to work. I want to go out in field service, and I want to travel and drive...you name it!
The fatigue, pain, and fever used to depress me because it prevented me from simple activities of daily living. Just simply trying to get out of bed would be excruciating sometimes. I recalled all the times I would just pop out of bed, hop in the shower, and be out of the house in under an hour!
Well, good times are here again, thanks to Jehovah and the wonderful art of accupuncture!
Love Your Lupie and Live Well!

Lupus Daddy and Nephew

Here is one of my most favorite photos from the family reunion in Myrtle Beach! My Dad, nephew, Andrew, and I were at Cracker Barrel having breakfast. My Dad looks as though he's in deep thought while my nephew amuses himself with a game at the table. Jayden and Andrew really hit it off pretty good. My nephew is a smart little boy and is very intuitive. Andrew is very easy to get along with and is great with kids. We had a great time, even though it was very hot. It was great to connect with the family from my Grandmother's side of the family again. I just wished that we had more time to socialize. Everything seemed soo orchestrated.
The wedding is drawing ever closer and I just can't wait to get it done and dive into my new life with Andrew! We're looking forward to the simple things, believe it or not. I want to cook for him and massage his back and he wants to bring me coffee and just have me to come home to. Isn't that sweet! I know guys who make a B-line to the Bar before they go home to face their wives! When it comes to that, it's time to let each other go!
My family loves Andrew and that was very important to me. Sometimes families can detect things in love interests that the person involved may have overlooked. Believe it or not, love is NOT blind! Love should be wide open and plainly evident for all to see, family included.
I'm blessed that I met my Dad in time so that he can walk me down the isle and give me away. From time to time, it would occur to me that I didn't have that special thing, among many other things that I missed out on in my life. Had the truth been told early on, I would have been different person, perhaps even a better person. I celebrate the life I have now, but I also mourn the years that we've lost. I mourn the loss of my Great Grandparents that everyone spoke soo warmly of at the family reunion. I could have known these people and made my own precious memories with them had the truth been told. I couldn't help but to fight back tears when I heard my relatives speak about the character and life of these wonderful people, who are now gone. The thing that is soo sad is that they didn't pass away until they were old, in the 1990's!
I look at the photo of my Great Grandmother and I see myself! It was only after I met my Dad and his family that I finally started to feel "re-connected" and like I was really a part of someone. I have proof of from whence I have come and somehow that makes me feel better about where I'm going. It may not make any sense to anyone else, but it makes perfect sense to me! I fit in and I have a place. I have a wonderful and interesting history that I can be proud of finally. What a blessing and a healing to the soul.
Love your Lupie and Live Well!

Sometimes You Just Have to Let People Go...

I grew up one of those little girls who adored her father. (The man I had known as my father.) Rusty was funny, serious, charismatic, and a favorite with the ladies for some reason! All I knew was that he was my father and I loved him. As sad as it seems, I was always having to chase him down and search him out. He would call every blue moon. When he would promise to come by and pick me up so that we could spend some time together, he would never show! How many times did I catch him at Grandmother's house, getting ready to get back on the road to Atlanta, when he never even bothered to come to see me while he was in town!
For many years I forgave him time and time again for hurting me and lying to me. People would say what I thought were negative things about him and I would go into a rage and hurt someone! I would literally beat the crap out of somebody if they talked about "my dad"! This man never paid a dime of child support to help Annie Bell take care of me. He would call me late at night sometimes and ask me what I had been dreaming. He would then play the numbers that correlated to these dreams, make some money, and never bothered to give me a dime. During my entire childhood, I only recall him purchasing clothing for me on two occasions, once when I was 6 years old, then again at 12 when he brought his fat, ugly girlfriend to meet me! She was really nice to me when I met her, but on the day they got married, she turned on me! I would write letters and cards to him and somehow they would disappear. A few years ago, she confessed that she had intercepted the letters and cards. I would call to speak to him on the phone, and if she answered, she would say, "You're father's not here!" and hang up the phone. She wouldn't even give me the time of day. Of course, he would always deny that he even received the phone messages.
No matter what he did, I always tried to see the good in that man. It's all finally come to an end. The first time I severed ties with my so called "father" was at the age of 19. All my life he had promised me that I had a "college fund" that he started when I was a baby. And during all these years, I had never asked this so called "man" for anything! Suddenly, I found myself in Nursing School, without a job and in need of funds for school. He had always told me that if I needed anything that I should call him, so then I made the call. He told me that he would forward the funds via Western Union the next day. I went to Western Union for 3 days! Finally, the woman a the office there stated to me, "We've never heard of you nor your father!" I was crushed and I was angry! Furthermore, when I got on the phone to confront him about it, he put his little daughter on the phone to lie and say that he wasn't at home. She said, "Daddy said to say he not home!" I then got on the phone and called his brother, Wilbur. I told Wilbur to tell his brother to go to hell and never ever contact me again! He was everything that everyone had ever said that he was and worse!
Now, fast forward to yesterday! He gets on the phone to say that he had been trying to reach me, but I had changed my cell number. My cell number has been the same for 14 years and never disconnected! He inquired about my VW that he recently had repaired. Let me explain. A few years ago, a crack head with no driver's license and no car insurance hit the car and damaged the rear quarter panel and bumper. When I told him what happend, he immediately told me that he would take care of the car and that I could keep it where he lives in White Plains. All these years went by and no car repair! As soon as I told him that Andrew Gillens was my biological father, he quickly had the car repaired and started calling me on a regular basis. Only, he was conflicted. Sometimes he would call and act as though he wanted to be supportive of me, then sometimes he would call cursing me and Andrew! Several weeks ago, he called to invite me to drive out to Ohio with him. All I could do was just look at the phone and ignore his call! All of a sudden he's interested in including me in his life!
Had he been a real father to me, I would have never searched out my biological father anyway! Now, yesterday, he complains that he paid $2500 to repair the car and that I should "bring the title to the car so that he can get the tags and insurance on the car for me." Oh yeah! Like he really has my best interest at heart! When I told him that I would be picking the car up on the 3rd of next month, he got angry and told me that if I didn't get the car by then, that he would charge me $100/day until I got it! I know very well what he's up to. He wants to take my car and give it to his son! Well, they can all kiss me where the sun doesn't shine! He will never get his hands on my car title!
After all this time, he still knows nothing about me and he's nothing but a user and a pathalogical liar! This time, I have let him go for good!
I've been nice about this whole thing all this time

Lonely Lupie

This morning, Andrew and a few of his relatives left for their family reunion in Virginia. It was soo hard saying goodbye to him. It reminded me of when he came to visit me in SC in January. I was in tears after I dropped him at the airport. Those were the longest three weeks ever!
Having him gone on a lonely, hot, and cloudy day just makes it just a little bit worse. In addition, my dad and the rest of the Gillens Clan is having their annual "tent party" this weekend. It all started today with Bar-B-Q, Catfish (fried and stewed), and Macaroni! Every one has brought their tents and are eating and sleeping outside on Gillens Hill. This is the last one I will miss if I have anything to do with it! I only missed this one because we have the expense of the wedding and we also have our family reunion coming up next month in Myrtle Beach.
On the other side of the family, there is a funeral tomorrow for Annie Bell, the woman who raised me. She and I parted ways some time ago and a few family members and myself are somewhat estranged as a result. Some still don't want to accept that it was really over as far as I was concerned. I don't know if she ever changed, but I do know that I did! I had to make several changes in order to preserve my own sanity and move on with my life. It is what it is. Live Well and love your Lupie!

Lupus Daddy!

This is my Dad with his Catfish Catch of the Day! Can you believe the size of those fish! And wow how great they taste all fried up and in my belly! Lupies aren't supposed to eat fried foods, but this is one dish that this Lupie cannot resist! And my Dad happens to be a great cook! He knew that my mouth would water when I saw this photo! I think he's using it to lure me back to South Carolina! LOL!
We have our family reunion in SC in August of this year. This will be Andrew's second trip to SC with me and I'm very excited about it. He will get to meet many family members of mine that won't be able to attend the wedding. We're going to have a great time with the family, the FOOD, and the music! I'm gonna take loads of pictures for you guys!
I have a great family! The Washington/Gillens clan are a close-knit, very wise, and kind group of people. They're very supportive and upbuilding, and such a joy to be around. When Andrew came to SC and he observed the pleasant interactions between myself and them, he was put at ease. He said that he saw similarities in my personality and that of my Grandmother's (Lizzy Gillens). She and my Grandfather have an awesome relationship! They practically dote on each other; at least that's the way I see it. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but I pray that Andrew and I ultimately end up just as content and easy as those two are. The language between the two is just a beatiful thing to witness!

Lupus Gastritis

Well, for those of you that don't know, I was just released from the hospital over the weekend. I had a nasty case of Gastritis! It was terrible. I hurled until I was nearly blue in the face! At one point, I was just as suited to lie on the bathroom floor. (Thank goodness no guys live here!) There was no need for me to go back to my bedroom because every time I even thought about moving, I would hurl! Even when there was nothing left to hurl, I hurled!

Dee was kind enough to put the fan on me, even though I was running hot and cold. Finally, she carted me off to the hospital, where they made me NPO, scoped me, and hydrated me. For the first time, in a long time, I feel decent. The crazy thing is, Lupus triggers Gastritis and Gastritis triggers Lupus!

Even on Sunday, at our engagement party, I was afraid to eat comfortably.

Many people don't know that many Lupies suffer from Gastritis that may or may not be associated with the H. Pylori bacteria. If you ever get Gastritis and you're scoped, you should ask to be tested for it. If it goes unchecked, it could lead to gut cancers, like esophageal cancer and stomach cancer. I'm telling you, this thing is a Bad Mammy For Ya!

Live Well and Love Your Lupie!

Lupus and Family Issues

I still have hopes of finding a cure for Systemic Lupus. Recently, there was a medication that we all had hopes would be approved for people suffering with this disease as I do. Although I take things one day at a time and try not to make "solid" plans for anything. The time could come for the commitment, and then suddenly, sometimes without warning, I'm in bed with a fever and pain. Usually, I can cope and function if I'm only dealing with one or the other, but the two and three issues together just puts me down most times.
Unfortunately, sometimes the people that are supposed to be the most supportive of you, seem to be the most unconcerned and unaffected by the events in your life. Fortunately, I have the support of my love, Andrew, Delois, Aunt Mamie, and a few others.
There are certain events that bring out the true personality of the so-called "family and friends." Some people withdraw from the person with the chronic illness, maybe because they are afraid that you may "need something" from them. Others, just eventually stop calling and stop caring. One day, you're working in a professional surrounding, with some people you refer to as friends, the next thing you know, the phone calls and e-mails just stop coming. You're no longer on their level. Your "status" has now changed.
Unfortunately, for some in my family, especially the ones that I helped when I was healthy and working, there were no offers of support of any kind. I'm proud to say that I have some friends who have been better to me than my own family. I value their love and support soo much. I truly am really blessed when it comes to my friends and some family members.
After suffering many years of verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of some family members, I finally decided to take control of my own life and refuse to be abused by them any longer. I regained my power, self-respect, and most importantly, self-love. Even though I have this horrible illness, I make the best of my time, and the best of my life. My healing comes from the true God, Jehovah. He protects me and he loves me, even when I'm less than my potential.
When you allow others to abuse you, berate you, and control you, you give your power away; this leads to feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem, among many other negatives. You have the power to remove negative influences in your life! You are responsible for creating your own happiness.
The abusers tend to be those that are supposed to be close to you, so it may be difficult to sever those ties. I can truly tell you that when I eliminated these influences from my life, it was like a weight lifted from my shoulders. Finally, I was free to express myself and not be concerned with what others have to say. People will always talk and listen to everyone else except you! Allow no one to force their ideas about family on you! Some would say to me, "You know, this person loves you, but in their own way." Well, if you can't love me using the guidelines that the Creator of love defined at 1Corinthians, then what you call "love" that is tainted with abusiveness and constant criticizm is unacceptable to me! No one should think that they can say and do whatever they chose to do against you without consequences. And no one person is "right" all the time. Love is fair and is willing to meet you half way because they feel that the relationship is worth respecting and saving.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8) "4 Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, 5 does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. 6 It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. . . ."
I was failed many times when I was discriminated against in my own family. I was failed when I was treated as an AIDS patient, being shunned and insulted on many occasions. That's just the tip of the iceberg! For those of you that do not know, Lupus has nothing to do with HIV/AIDS! Do some research!
However, there is the issue of forgiveness. Forgiveness wasn't easy, but I needed to do it to get past the bitterness and anger, to heal myself.

*** it-1 p. 862 Forgiveness ***
God has a required way for seeking and receiving his forgiveness. A person must acknowledge his sin, recognize that it is an offense against God, confess it unqualifiedly, have a deep heartfelt sorrow for the wrong done, and have a determination to turn from such a course or practice. (Ps 32:5; 51:4; 1Jo 1:8, 9; 2Co 7:8-11) He must do what he can to right the wrong or damage done. (Mt 5:23, 24) Then he must pray to God, asking for forgiveness on the basis of Christ’s ransom sacrifice.—Eph 1:7; see REPENTANCE.

*** it-1 p. 862 Forgiveness ***
However, Christians are not required to forgive those who practice malicious, willful sin with no repentance. Such become God’s enemies.—Heb 10:26-31; Ps 139:21, 22.
This is the issue that some have had difficulty comprehending. When a person is willfully malicious against you, you have the right to just leave them alone. If they aren't mature enough to explain their behavior and have no desire to cease the negative behaviors, then severing ties is in the best interest of all parties concerned. Just make it a matter of prayer, so as not to make any rash decisions. Some just have to accept the fact that not all people want peace and are capable of living in peace and respecting the feelings of others. We all deserve better. People with Lupus are required to avoid all unnecessary stress and anxiety, as these things can exacerbate the condition. Those who love you will understand and respect this.
Live Well and Love your Lupie!

Lupus Aunties

This past weekend, Andrew's Aunt was kind enough to have to family over to meet my Aunt and I. I do declare we could pass for relatives! My brother, Corey said that Andrew looked like some of our relatives when he first saw his picture. We had a great time. The food was great and it was nice getting to talk to his family.
It was great just letting go of everything and having a great time with Andrew and his family. They simply love and adore him for all the same reasons that I do! From this point forward, it's full steam ahead! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! For the first time, in a very long time, I'm happy and no one can steal my joy! I won't allow it!

Lupus Drama

My family have no idea how "drama" can affect the life of a lupie! I refuse to let the crap that they are dealing with get me down! My focus is clear; I'm getting married to the man of my dreams. We are going to live in and repair our home. We have separated ourselves from all those people with negative energy! Negative energy creates depression and illness. Hello! I have enough problems already!
We will let no one into our personal business. The people that are invited to our wedding will have to exude positive energy and wish nothing but the best for us. Now, there will be some who will just show up so that they can "gawk" and have something to talk about. Yes, the event will be one to remember, but most of those naysayers and nosy folk won't be there to witness it!
I am a tenacious force to recon with and I will allow no one to trifle with me. Life is simply too short for drama and "he said, she said" crap!
I let no one worry or bother me. I could care less about what people think or say about me! I'm just me and I am as happiest as I can be! Finally! Complete and sheer happiness that no one can take away from me. I've been released of all my fears and I'm ready to take life on with my partner, one day at a time.
Love yourself first, and love your Lupie! Live Well!

Lupus Dressing

Today, I celebrate my luscious, perfectly shaped lips! Long gone are the days when I listen to someone telling me to purse my lips so that they would look smaller! If my own mother couldn't destroy me, what does Lupus think it will do to me!
Some of you may not believe what I am about to say, but es verdad! I get carded more now than I did ten years ago! I figured something out about love of self (not conceitedness) and dealing with a chronic illness. The worse you feel, the better you should look. These days, I wear the best makeup. I use the best skin care products. I drink loads of water and eat the best foods. I wear the best clothing and I never pay full price! Am I Jewish? LOL! Most of all, I love and worship the only true God, Jehovah. He gets me through it all. I shine outside, even when the light inside is tired and dim. Just when I'm at my lowest, he sends someone to lift my spirits and snatch me away from the fiery flames of deep depression and self-loathing. I've been Black, but I've never stayed for very long. What will we celebrate tomorrow? Maybe our big rounds booties! Have a great day and remember to love your Lupie and Live Well!

Lupus Loving and Living

I'm having a wonderful day so far! Not much pain and no fever to speak of! I just wanted to share my personal thoughts today on something that I had to overcome. As a part of my "life therapy" and recovery, I was encouraged to "dress up" at every opportunity! Today was one of those days that I had to remind myself that as my friend, David Booker says, "You are never more beautiful than you are today!" I am soo happy to be alive! I am happy to be me! I'm happy to be comfortable in my own skin! I don't want anything that another person has! If I want something, I know how to get it! Even when I don't feel good, I insist on at least looking good! Sometimes you have to fake it until you feel it, especially when you have a chronic illness like Systemic Lupus! Life is too short for me to sit and pity myself, and think about all the things that I used to ...., could have...wanted..., or whatever!
I'm here for a reason! I'm in love and I give love despite what others have done to me. They have to work out their own salvation, just like I have to work out my own!
Mothers are supposed to support their children and infuse them with confidence and self-esteem. That wasn't the case with me. Mine tried to do everything she could to strip me of those things and dehumanize me! Needless to say, she FAILED! I don't know why, but I am one strong, blessed woman! I've been to hell a few times, don't get me wrong, but I always seem to stay afloat. I can only attribute that to Jehovah's undeserved kindness. His love is amazing and is able to heal all wounds and hurts. That's why I keep smiling! I wish you all the best of health, wealth, and love. Until next time, Live WELL and LOVE YOUR LUPIE!

Lupus Loving

Andrew and I went out tonight after my meeting. We just purchased a new digital camera and we like the photos we take with it! I especially enjoy taking photos of him! Those sad, gorgeous, brown eyes!
I've been off the steroids lately. Last week, I had a really rough day due to the cloudy weather, but lately I've been OK. I call "OK" not flaring every single day like I had been accustomed to! Any and everything would cause me to flare, from my cycle to anything that I would eat! Oh and don't even mention cloudy weather! I don't need to listen to no stinking weather report! My bones report the weather for me!
Yet, through it all, he loves me and supports me when I need him most. What more can anyone ask? Dealing with this chronic, painful, condition is more bearable just by having true love see me through it all. You have no idea how blessed and fortunate I am! Nothing nor anyone can wipe this smile from my face! Wow!

Lupus Wedding

Hello Loved Ones and Friends! It is on like POPCORN! Andrew and I are getting married this fall, on November 8th! I'm soo excited, I just scream! He is an awesome guy who makes me blush, even when I don't want to! What a gem! That's all I can say! What a gem!

Neonized Lupie!

Lupus Brain...

Many people are not aware that the chemicals in the brain of a Lupie is affected by the disease. For example, memory and concentration are greatly affected in the Lupie. The person, on many occasions is hyper, or agitated for seeminly no reason at all. I don't even bother explaining myself anymore! Usually, I just keep my feelings to myself and pray to Jehovah. What one human can stand the many complexities that accompany the Lupus patient?
I used to work in an area of health care that required me to "swing by the seat of my pants!" or in other words, "think on my feet!" I realized I had a serious problem when I had trouble with some of the simplest tasks. To the surprise of many, I have a photographic memory and a keen eye for details. Suddenly, it was as though my brain was a computer that had a "file destroying" virus! I kept appealing to the doctor that I had at the time, but he kept telling me that there was nothing wrong with me. I was too intuned with my body to trust him any further, so I fired him and reported him for insurance fraud, as all he would do is come into my room, stand at the foot of my hospital bed, and say, "And how is my girl today?" I guess the weight loss, hair loss, fevers, and inability to eat meant nothing to him. Let's not even mention the excruciating pain!
Generally, people are trying to be nice when they look into your eyes and say, "How are you?" Sometimes I mention whether or not I'm having a good day and then other times, I'm sure to evade people all together. How do you tell someone other than your Physician that you're in pain most of the time? How do you mention the fact that you function almost every single day with a significant fever?
For those of you that do not know, Lupus equals constant inflammation. Constant inflammation equals pain. Constant pain can make you selfish, if you let it! I refuse to let it make me that way! I have to force myself outside my own existence and reach out to help others, otherwise, I'll go crazy!
Due to the ingestion of prescribed steroids, I usually awaken angry in the morning and it sometimes takes a while for me to realize that the anger is a side effect of the steroids.
These days, my heart is lighter and somehow the pain is more bearable. I guess it's because I'm in love! Being in love gives me "a little something to look forward to." The Bible says that love conquers all...

Lupus Living!: Lupie Lover

Lupus Living!: Lupie Lover

Lupus Skin

Many people do not know that Systemic Lupus causes premature aging of the skin. Think about it, the skin is the largest organ and Lupus attacks the organs and tissues! I noticed over the past several years premature aging. The women in my family typically don't show signs of age at least until their 60's. You know what they say, "Black don't crack!"
Typically, I have oily skin, but lately, I have noticed some dry patches. At night I lay on the Vitamin E Cream and drink lots of water to keep the skin hydrated.
I keep smiling no matter what! A few lines aren't going to ruin my fun! Live well and love your Lupie!

Lupus LoLo

In this photo, LoLo and I were at my Dad's place just having a good time!

Lupie Lover

Andrew has to be the kindest, most loving, gentle, and generous man I have ever met. I simply melt at the mere sound of his voice. The most precious and intimate thing we do is simply caress each other's faces. The language between us is simple, yet complex, and oh soo very sweet. The best thing we have going for us is that we are not alone in this journey. We strive to keep Jehovah in our relationship and we've promised to be honest and straightforward, holding nothing back, especially love. All of us owe each other love. Love your Lupie and Live Well!

Lisa and Claude...

This is my fellow lupie and good friend Lisa, here with her husband, Claude.
Claude and Lisa met, fell in love, and got married. I love Lisa like a big sister and I love Claude because he had the courage and countenance to love Lisa for who she is. He accepted her with all her pain and drama that goes with the life of a Lupie. Lisa is like a big sister to me. Our mutual friend, Allison introduced us because she knew that we would hit it off and be supportive of each other, and we have been. There is nothing like talking to someone who knows exactly what it is that you are going through. People that don't have this disease don't know the half! Some don't care to know! Some love us and some leave us! We don't worry because we know that Jehovah will never leave us and that is why we keep a smile on our faces, even when the weather is bad and we are in pain. Even when we've been awake all night, because most Lupies have trouble sleeping due to pain and only God knows what else!
For those of you who have stuck by us through thick and thin, we thank you and will forever hold you deep in our hearts and minds. For those of you that have cowardly left us, we thank you for getting the heck out of the way so that there could be room for new friends and loved ones.
We don't need your pity! We just need you to support us, even when we don't feel like taking calls or going out with you.
Love your Lupie and Live Well!

Young LoLo

Mrs. Moore and Me...

For those of you that don't know, Mrs. Moore became a mentor and supporter of me back when I was in high school! Had it not been for her, I would have murdered a certain abusive person in my life at the time! She believed in me and helped me to regain my composure and focus on my education and future. "You give your power to those who are able to "make" you angry." When I didn't even have a winter coat to wear, Mrs. Moore took me shopping at a nearby consignment shop, where I purchased a genuine tan shearling coat that still had the tag on it! Needless to say, I wear the coat every year as a reminder of how far I've come and who have helped to mold me along the way.
The most wonderful news I discovered is that Mrs. Moore and Andrew's mother were friends and co-workers. I'm going to stop now before I cry! Love you, Mrs. Moore. Live well and stay strong.

Lupus and Marriage...

No one knows what the future holds for Andrew and I as we embark on this journey of life together. One question on the minds of many of my loved ones is how did he handle me telling him that I have Systemic Lupus. I can honestly tell you that he never flinched! He never pulled away from me or made excuses for why we couldn't go out. I think he said, "Well, we all have to go through something in this system of things." I am blessed to have the most loving and compassionate man to love me. He knows that Lupus is just one part of my life and is not the definition of me. I have heard many other Lupies sadly say that once they revealed the truth about their illness, people have avoided them, especially men leaving a woman with the diagnosis. That is such cowardly behavior! You could have missed out on the love of your life! No one has the right to judge you for having a genetic disease! I have personally been discriminated against for having the disease by one of my own "family members!" They heard the term "AutoImmune" disease and ignorantly mistook it to mean "Immunodeficiency!" How pathetic! It was their loss and my gain to let go of that negative and toxic influence.
As you can see, I am in the business of moving on and living well! Oh, how I have been blessed for doing so! Every day, Andrew loves me more and more and I him. Thank you all for your love and support, but most of all, I thank Jehovah!

The Silver Fox...

This is LoLo all decked out for the first time she went out on a date with Andrew and I. When she realized that we were serious, then she decided she wanted to meet him and have dinner with us at our favorite place. As you can see, she looks absolutely amazing! Anyone care to guess how young she is!

Love of My Life...

The State Street Grill is usually where my baby and I meet to eat. It's convenient and the food is great. Not to mention the company that I'm keeping! Every minute with him is a treasure. When we're together, time just seems to fly! He keeps a smile on my face and a warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart. Love may be the best cure for Lupus!

The Best Lady Ever!

This is a photo of LoLo and me! We were just playing around with my webcam at my Dad's place in SC.
We had a ball that night! We had not long gotten in from Manning, SC visiting with relatives there. Before that, we were in Winston-Salem with grandmother! I don't know about you guys, but road trips are very relaxing to me, especially when you get to see loved ones on the way. Do the things that make you smile. Live well!

Lupies and Love

Ladies and gentleman! Family and friends, please allow me to introduce to you, the love of my life, Andrew!
I met him late last year and we have plans to marry this fall! I can't possibly explain how this man makes me feel and how being in love with him is helping me to heal. I keep a smile on my face and a warm place in my heart for Andrew. He was nothing that I expected, but everything I needed and wanted! There is no one else like him now nor will there ever be! Maybe love really does conquer all!
I'll be sure to keep you posted! We are planning to marry hopefully in September 2008. Please keep us in your prayers. Love Me!

What a Send Off

On Saturday night some of my closest friends from the Ivy Hill Congregation got together and threw me the most amazing send off that anyone could ever have! No one had ever done anything like that for me before. There was a beautiful cake and everything! The food smelled amazing even though I couldn't eat any right then.
You see, earlier as I was getting ready for the gathering, I kept having to hurl each time I moved around! Even once I got to the Small's home and smelled the delicious food, I hurled!
It was bad enough that I showed up late, but they were soo understanding and patient with me. I thank Jehovah for all of them, especially the Small family. Words can not even express the gratitude!
We had soo much fun and after a little while, I was able to push the pain and nausea aside and just enjoy my friends!
The truth of the matter is, I had to pray to Jehovah and beg him for the energy to overcome the illness, even temporarily, so that I could enjoy some quality time with my friends.
Yesterday, I was able to eat and the food was awesome! The cake was delicious!
That was truly a night that I will never forget!

Cousin Andrea and Me!

You have to believe me when I tell you that this was not planned! My Cousin, Andrea, who is named in honor of my father, and I wore the same dress! The only difference between the two of us is that two midgets jumped into her bosom just before this photo was taken! We obviously have great taste! Guess what! Aunt Ernestine also has the same dress! We just can't remember who bought it first!

Lupus Fevers...

Nowadays, I run a fever almost every day. The fevers started happening in the 90's, usually in the evenings. I used to call them "evening fevers". Little did I know that a storm was raging! At the time, I was good friends with one of the best Hematologists in the Northeast. He tested me for everything under the sun, including HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis, and Lyme's disease. It all came back negative of course. At that time, the fevers were usually 99.6 or so. Now they are usually 102 and above. Sometimes, I get soo warm, I can barely stand myself. LoLo says the same thing. Just standing next to her, she feels the heat from my body.
Only Jehovah knows how long a person can last when they have the Febrile Type of Systemic Lupus.
Every day that I awake is a blessing, so I try not to complain. Love your Lupie and Live Well!

Little Man!

Little Sister and Me!

This is my little Sister, Ashley and me on the first day we met! She recongnized right away that we were related, but just didn't know how until Dad told her! It was hilarious! She fixed her eyes on me even though there was another lady in the room. Somehow she knew that she and I were connected. Life is great!

The Lupie's Nana

This is a photo of myself and my gorgeous Nana Gillens! Our eyeballs are even identical! She's a beautiful and powerful woman in our family and I simply adore her. She's extremely supportive of me and my endeavors and I treasure the pure soul that she is. This lady can wear the heck out of a pair of fishnets and a suit! Yeah, she's a hottie!

Aunt Lorraine and Me!

Dad and Me!

Believe it or not, folks, this was the first time I had ever laid eyes on my biological father! This was on October 29, 2005. I met him at a cousin's wedding in Eutawville, SC. One of my favorite cousins led me in his direction. Quite a number of issues had come up in my life and I needed some clarity. It may seem crazy, but when I first met my Dad, I didn't really believe that he was my real father. I was actually furious because I knew that that so and so of a so-called mother I had was never going to tell me the truth about who my real father was. I had already spent a good deal of money on a DNA test with one other guy that she dated, who suspected that I was his daughter! I'm sad to say that it took me some time to get this photo developed. Had I done it sooner, I would have seen the evidence of paternity sooner. When I blew the photograph up on my laptop, I gasped for air, had a pain in my chest, and screamed! Lolo came running into the room to see what the problem was and all she could do was drop her mouth open! I had chills down my spine and I couldn't stop the steady flow of tears. There he was all that time, just waiting for me to see the light. He never poked or prodded me. He just gave me time and space, which I really appreciated and regretted at the same time. Later, he told me that he knew from the first sight of me that I was his daughter because I looked just like his baby sister, Lorraine. I wish I had known then what I soon learned. I would have never let him leave my sight! Nevertheless, my dad followed through on the DNA test with me for my sake and I really appreciated that.

What a time of stress, grief, and elation for me. I suffered soo many flares behind this ordeal. I had to pray to Jehovah for strength and ask him to help me overcome the desire to do major physical harm to that individual that I referred to earlier! The Bible says that every thing done in the dark would come to the light, so who is man to think that he could conceal the truth from Jehovah's all searching and all knowing eyes. I prayed for his help in finding my father and I was blessed two and three fold. Not only did I get a father, I got a great Dad! He is just awesome. I also got a clan of loving and supportive family members to boot. I don't want or need for anything. I may not have a lot of money, but I am indeed very rich! Pray hard and live well.

Happy Lupie

It's Been a Lupus Sunday today...

I've been in bed all day! Last night, we went to see Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married". The movie was awesome! Halfway through it, I started to get a fever. I was already tired from an earlier sewing lesson. I was also already experiencing a great deal of pain. I didn't want to break the date with LoLo, so I did my best to bear up. Today, I payed for the bearing up.
I woke up with a fever and a massive sinus headace. LoLo made a lavender scented pack for me and placed it over my face to minimize the pain. It helped a great deal! Lupies often get many headaches, including migraines. I was even nauseas. She has a keen eye on when I'm not well and frequently brings me breakfast in bed. My hands are still swollen and hurting from the arthritis.
All there was to do today was get some rest and pray. I watched a little TV from time to time and checked my e-mails.
Several friends have called and I very much appreciate their concern, but I took no calls. I wasn't up for any conversation.
Rev. 21:3,4

Lupus and the Menstrual Cycle...

About 2 years ago, I started to notice that every month about the time of ovulation, I would begin to notice signs of a Lupus flare. It was odd and I made sure to take note of it.
I spoke to my attending and my GYN about it. The GYN advocates a hysterectomy for me or an Ablation that would cause me to be sterile. Although I do not wish to have any children, I would still like to hold on to my natural bodily functions for as long as humanly possible.
So what, even if I do have a hysterectomy, that wouldn't stop all the flares, but then I'd have to worry about MENOPAUSE at my age! That's daunting to me.
I'll keep you posted as to what I decide to do.

Lupus Pain

Hello all you Lovely Lupies out there! I'm up late tonight crocheting. I crochet to keep my mind off of the pain in my joints and everywhere else!
What do you guys do do divert yourselves and avoid self-pity?

Lupus Living

Living with Lupus can be depressing sometimes. There are days when my mind is willing, but my body refuses to cooperate! I can deal with either the fevers or the pain, but what about when they both compete to make me miserable!

Even though I have an incurable disease, I'm still grateful. I'm grateful for the fact that I woke up this morning. I'm grateful for the fact that I'm not on dialysis like soo many other Lupies my age! I'm grateful because I have a loving and supportive family, especially my Aunt Yashima and LoLo.

Lupus makes me love harder and it prompts me to call my loved ones and friends frequently, especially when I think of them. Life is short; when you think of someone, you should call them ASAP. Living with this disease has also helped me to see the importance of dropping dead weight and negative influences in my life. I have no time for bull! Stress can literally kill you! If every time you have a conversation with someone and you come away stressed, it may be time to reconsider their role in your life.

When I don't feel well, I give myself that time to repair and meditate. I'm even grateful when I don't feel well. I'm still alive even then, right!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not always this optimistic, but I'd thought I'd share.

Loving Lupies

Are there any new Lupies out there that need a listening ear? I've been living with Systemic Lupus now since the age of 14. At that time, I was misdiagnosed with Osgood Schlatter's disease.

Every day is a new adventure. I know just how you feel. Fortunately for me, I have very loving and understanding friends and family members. Good support is a plus!

You may contact me at SGethers721@GMail.Com.

Take care and stay out of the SUN!